Make Mommy Proud
By HOLLY WALL, 08/12/2009
Nightingale's "Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant" has contestants publicly simulate sexual acts
Very rarely does an event claiming to be a celebration of women forewarn its potential participants that they should prepare to "appear publicly in various states of undress" or "publicly simulate sexual acts, including but not exclusive to intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus, Dirty Sanchez, Glass Bottom Boat, Cleveland Steamer, Rusty Trombone, Lazy Susan, Gobstopper, Bullwinkle, St. Louis Taco, Nina Totenbag and/or snuggling."
Enter the Nightingale Theater's "Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant."
The pageant is the brainchild of 50 Swats Writers Collective and Midwestern Theatre Troup members Julie Ann Seals and Cassie Hollis, who, in an attempt to mastermind a summer show that would attract an audience of more than 10 and make some money for the theater, joked about hosting a bikini modeling contest or a beauty pageant.
Then they stopped joking and decided to host a beauty pageant. Or, an anti-beauty pageant of sorts.
"It's a combination of theater fund-raising and satire. It's our chance to get in there and have fun exploring how society views women and women's roles," said Seals.
"Feminism can be cold and scary for some, so we opted for humor," she said. "We get our message across because people will actually listen to us. We're not terribly political. It's broader than the politics of the issue, but we do ask, 'What do women do? What is a woman's life like?'
"Beauty pageants don't represent women well. They don't represent beauty well."
The "Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant" spins regular beauty pageants on their heads, providing tongue-in-cheek commentary while honestly and genuinely celebrating the female form. Er, the female.
In its second year, the "Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant" loosely follows the format of a regular beauty pageant, requiring contestants to participate in a talent competition, an evening wear competition and a swimsuit competition--or some semblance of the above.
Last year's evening gown competition allowed the women to choose from gowns provided by Silver Screen Vintage, modeling the one they felt best represented their personalities. And the swimsuit competition consisted of a wet t-shirt contest.
The interim is filled with impromptu events, something resembling the improv games theaters play, like the "Secret Sex Challenge," where contestants drew a sexually-charged activity from a hat and had to perform it, and a "Domestic Obstacle Course," which required the ladies to talk on the phone, change a diaper and make a sandwich all at the same time.
Rather than representing states, the girls wear the sashes of local businesses, like Dwelling Spaces, Blue Jackalope, Mercury Lounge and other local businesses, which sponsor the event. The contest is emceed by Joseph Gomez and judged by Daniel Fritschie, graphic artist and comedian; Tiffany Taylor, last year's Ms. Center of the Universe; and Nightingale regular Greg Popor.
The winner will "represent the soul of Tulsa, its holy navel, the Center of the Universe--west of the Union Depot, in the center of the pedestrian bridge from Archer Street to First Street, over the train tracks."
According to the event's Facebook page (a highly reliable source of information), "Our Missionary Position is that all women deserve to be viewed as unique, interchangeable, sentient, proficient, limber objects that contribute equally together to the service of mankind. To honor that equality, we will elect one outstanding lady to be especially more equal than all others.
"We seek to empower women as humans, not merely products whose sole purpose is to prepare tasty meals, keep the house clean, change diapers, all while sexing it up in killer heels. We expect them to find fulfillment in doing these things and in climbing to the top of the corporate ladder. You have got something to prove, and 'The Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant' wants you to prove it. Reach for the stars to achieve our dreams. And yours."
Wanna know who's got what it takes? The "Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant" commences Sat., Aug. 15 at the Nightingale, 1416 E. Fourth St., at 8pm. Tickets are $7. More at www.nightingaletheater.com.